Anger and angry people are often misunderstood. Anger is a natural emotion and it is something we all experience. Angry people, however, tend to misapply this emotion especially when it is attached to the feeling of shame. At the core of anger is shame. Shame is often unbearable for the experiencing person and so they push it away from the self and onto the other. Anger is the superficial expression of shame and hurt. Although angry people present as strong, certain, and powerful underneath that display is someone who is fearful, insecure, and hurting emotionally.
Most angry people may not admit to either hurt or shame, but they are hurt. The powerful expression of anger may make them feel that their own hurt can be remedied by hurting others. This reasoning is usually not conscious for them but each time their anger is misapplied it is a reflection of a much deeper wound that is unhealed and locked into a deep shame based belief.
The deeper shame based belief is most often tied into self worth and wanting to be respected. What triggers anger is a perceived threat or an invalidation. Once this is triggered the anger serves to protect the deeper hurt and it goes out to protect the persons self worth. Sadly, the angry person usually communicates so distastefully that the receiver of the message is left feeling battered and the attempt at communication goes unheard.
There are many types and forms of anger. From compassion's view point we can see that anger serves the positive intention of self preservation. However, it does so in a non-productive manner where relationship growth is not fostered. What if anger was approached from the place of hurt/shame. What if anger was approached from its original truth? What if anger was treated from the inside out? What if real change could happen in this way? What if???
Anger: The Misunderstood Emotion
